WiLdCaRd

My name is Patricia Kelly Coqueijo Tomaz and I’m a Mormon. My parents were both converts to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints as teenagers in Brazil. Through their amazing faith of the light that the gospel brings, they raised  my older brother and I into the gospel of Jesus Christ.

 

 

Being born in the covenant, I was baptized by age 8, and I truly felt as if I had a rock star of a testimony growing up. I knew that the gospel was true, that the Book of Mormon was a compass given to us by a loving Heavenly Father, and that Christ was our Savior. I believed that nothing in this whole world could ever take that away from me. Until one day, my whole life and faith was shaken apart.

I genuinely thought I was in amazing place spiritually back in high school. And maybe I truly was? But Heavenly Father knows how much potential for greatness we all I have, and gives us trials so that we can access that humility and grace through Jesus Christ. So He kind of threw a huge mountain at me, by wiping away every inch of my testimony. Hardest trial by far. Hardest loss I've ever experienced.  

At the time, a lot of everything was happening all at once. My best friends were leaving on their missions, people I loved were struggling through depression, my mom was battling anxiety and depression of her own kind by losing both her parents and having to go through the hardship of breast cancer, and to go along with my own personal trials of faith, I was also struggling with a broken heart due to the ending of a two year relationship with someone I had fallen madly in love with. I know. It still kind of gives me a head ache to think about, and I felt as if I had to take care of everyone at the time, while also trying to face my own trials in life.

I had the whole world on my shoulders. I had no idea where to even begin or who to turn to. I went months without the answers my heart sought, and in those times, I began doubting everything about myself. I had never felt so empty and alone.

However, that was turning point that I needed in moments of a broken heart and a contrite spirit. I turned to Christ, gave everything to God, and went to sleep. I began on working on the things I did know and kept going from there.
 
Now? Everything I hear, everything I listen to, everything that I experience? It all feels brand new to me. It's like Heavenly Father has given me a completely brighter, newer, set of eyes. It's incredible. It's like I've become a little child. I have to work harder to understand things, but everything I do understand, feels pure. Slowly but surely, my testimony is returning back to me, and dare I even say: stronger than it has ever been!

I have never had to question, work, or find out the gospel for myself, and this journey has been one of great self-reflection and wonder. Working hard to learn the mysteries of God has been a rollercoaster, (I’m not going to lie), with both its ups and downs.

I’ve come to realize that Heavenly Father is always here for us, awaiting the most perfect moment to answer our prayers. I'm far from perfect but I embrace that imperfection! Because I trust that He is currently working on us every day into helping us become the best version of ourselves. We just need to keep going, keep believing, and most importantly keep on praying.

We need the hard times to truly appreciate the good times around us. We should never believe that we are alone or never good enough. Those are lies shared by the world that simply aren’t true.

 

I've seen the good, and I've been through the bad. I know what it is like to feel lost. Right now, I know that I have so much work yet still in front of me, but that there is also so much to be happy about. I have a beating heart, great examples in my life, and I have received special tender mercies in my life that further confirms God’s love for me. He truly has been taking care of me since the day I was born, as I was fighting to breathe and live in this beautiful, crazy, hard, wildcard of a life. (Another story for another day)

These past months I have realized that I have a simple testimony. And really that's all you truly ever need to bring hope, love, light, and BRIGHTNESS into your own life as well as others. I know for a fact that God lives. I know that Christ is my advocate. And those are the foundations that I believe will lead me into the rest of my life.
 
I don't understand God's timing or even His will sometimes. (Like re-learning and re-gaining a witness for everything that I already knew in the past) But I trust that He has a marvelous plan in store for me.

And if most of you readers are struggling through any tough times in your own lives, facing hardships you feel that no one else in the world can relate to; you are not alone. Also if you get the chance, listen to the lyrics of Jack Johnson's Better Together:

“Love is the answer to most of the questions in my heart. Why are we here, where do we go, and how come it’s so hard?”  Think about that for a second...

I know that God loves me. He loves you. He's aware of our needs and the needs of those we serve. Everything we do matters. Every thought, every action, every prayer. We get to design and live our own lives from this point forward. No pressure (: Your past doesn't define you. You can start anyday to choose to be happy. So start believing that you can, and you will! That's the beauty of this gift called life.

 

Be peaceful. Be valiant. Be true.

xoxo,

Patricia T.